Crying Over Spilled Milk: 5 Ways to Support Breastfeeding Moms

Last week I was in a rush and spilled most of a bottle of breast milk that I had just spent 20 minutes pumping. It was my 4th pumping session of the day, I was stressed about my giant to-do list and I was running late. I took a few deep breaths and told myself it wasn’t a big deal. As I finished packing up to leave for the day, my co-worker came in and I jokingly told her what had happened, then promptly burst into tears. She gave me a big hug as I tried to laugh it off, embarrassed that I was literally crying over spilled milk. The truth was, the hug really helped and I felt much better.

I walked in the next morning and found a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a note that read “You are doing an amazing job!” My co-worker (the great hugger) and I are the only two in the clinic 95% of the time, so I constantly feel guilty that she’s picking up my slack while I pump. And she does so frequently, with no complaints. The fact that she was being so supportive wasn’t shocking, but it was certainly an unexpected surprise and I was truly touched.

The thing is, breastfeeding moms feel like crazy people all the time. Worrying about how much milk your body has to produce to keep up with a baby’s needs can be very stressful. A breastfeeding mom is constantly weighing whether it’s worth it to go on that date or join a meeting in person or go on a field trip because it could mean missing a feeding or pumping session and subsequently affect her supply. Pair that with the regular mental load of taking care of a household, working a part/full time job, organizing activities, making sure siblings don’t eat glue, etc and it can really take a toll.

That being said, emotional support can make an enormous difference for a breastfeeding mom. People are often unsure how they can support, but these five suggestions can go a long way:

Be inclusive. Breastfeeding can be very isolating, especially for moms who are not comfortable breastfeeding in public. Stop by for a chat or set up a comfortable nursing space in a main area of the house so mom can interact and feel included.
Let her vent (without necessarily offering solutions). Sometimes just talking about frustrations can resolve feelings about a situation. If mom is stressed about how to maintain her supply at work, or in pain from breastfeeding complications, or upset because she spilled milk, venting can be very therapeutic.
Have her back. There may be situations where she encounters push-back from family, friends, medical staff or colleagues about her breastfeeding choices. Knowing that she has support from her partner and family can make those situations feel much more manageable.
Bring her a glass of water. Or a snack. Or some wine. If you are attached to a pump you literally can’t move from that location (although modern pumping solutions are making it much easier!) and nursing a baby (especially at the beginning) usually requires both arms. When I ask my clients how eating is going, many say they forget to eat regularly and constantly feel dehydrated. As mom nourishes her baby, a perfect job for others is to nourish mom.
Encourage. Nursing and pumping is a lengthy, time-consuming, emotional process that can leave you feeling like superwoman one day and a dairy cow the next. Regardless of the ups and downs, a nursing mom is putting in the work because she believes that the benefits outweigh the sacrifice. On the hard days, she’s not looking for an “out,” she just needs a hug and some cheerleaders to let her know they support her.